


Youth

by DestroyedConscience



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Child Abuse, Dark Ben Hargreeves, Depression, Drug Abuse, Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Good Sibling Ben Hargreeves, Heavy Angst, Immortal Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Is Kind Of A Bad Sibling Sometimes, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Murder, Overdosing, POV switches between Ben and Klaus a lot, Physical Abuse, Pre-Season/Series 01, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Running Away, Tags will be added with each chapter, Temporary Character Death, There’s a lot of crying but they’re going through a LOT, Underage Prostitution, Underage Rape/Non-con, but only for a moment really, but with his situation i honestly don't even blame him, mentions of blood/gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25545067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestroyedConscience/pseuds/DestroyedConscience
Summary: "Shadows settle on the place, that you leftOur minds are troubled by the emptiness"Promises, Addiction, Guilt and everything in-betweenOr: Klaus has to leave. Allison could ask him to stay. She lets him go.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	1. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first work for this fandom! It was meant to just be a quick oneshot to dip my toes in but it has... spiraled, a little bit. Chapter count is subject to change, I honestly have no clue, but it's definitely gonna be at least 3 chapters. 
> 
> This fic WILL get dark, trigger tags will be added as chapters are added, please keep an eye on that! Take care of yourself <3
> 
> Title and lyrics in summary from Youth by Daughter

They are eleven years old when Klaus comes to her room one night after dinner.

“What is it?” Allison asks, not looking up from her nails as she meticulously paints them. Klaus stays silent from his spot in her doorway, looking at her until she puts her nail polish down with a sigh, turning to him with a raised brow and arms crossed.

She falters at the look on his face. He looks nervous, it’s an expression she has never seen on him before. She doesn’t think she likes it. He brings a hand up to his mouth and bites at his nails, a nervous habit he still has yet to get rid of. She’s not sure he ever will.

“I- I need you to make me a promise.” He rushes out, face scrunching up as though waiting for her to decline. 

She, instead, eyes him warily “What kind of promise?”

“That you…” He trails off, swallowing hard as his eyes dart around her room, looking at anything but her. Allison rolls her eyes.

“Spit it out!”

“Promise that you won’t rumour me into just liking girls!”

Allison stares and Klaus looks on the verge of humiliated tears. They’re both silent, Klaus watching her for her reaction as she processes what he just asked her. 

“Wait, so, you like boys, too?” Klaus nods jerkily, as though it takes extra effort to move in that moment. He does look rather tensed up. “Klaus,” Allison starts, horror slowly grasping her heart. “Why would I _ever_ try and do that to you?!” 

Klaus shrugs “If Dad found out, I guess I’m just worried he might try and see the extent of your powers, you know?” He laughs but there’s no humour there. “See if you can change something like that, rather than just make someone do something.” Allison hates that it doesn’t sound totally unbelievable.

“Klaus.” She says, serious enough to make his eyes snap to look at her, the intensity of her gaze pins him in place. “I promise on my _life_ , that I will _never_ use my power to change you. Not for Dad, not for anything.” She stands up from her bed as she speaks, nail polish forgotten as she takes long steps towards her brother before dragging him into a hug. He’s taller than her by a couple inches but she has no problem pulling him downwards so his head can bury into her neck. They stand like that for what has to be several minutes, Klaus’ shoulders shake in silent sobs. 

When they pull back, Klaus rubs a sleeve across his face to rid himself of the tears as Allison walks back to her bed, sitting down cross-legged once more. She looks at him, still standing in her doorway before beckoning to the spot in front her with her head.

“Come on, I’ve seen how you watch me do mine, let me do yours.”

* * *

Allison and Klaus become close after that night. A bond has been formed through a confession and a promise, one that grows stronger with each day spent in each other’s company. 

When Klaus falls down the stairs, Allison is the one to run screaming for Mom. She doesn’t admonish them for stealing her clothes to parade around in, but her face is drawn tight as she picks Klaus up like he’s nothing and hurries down towards the infirmary, Allison hot on her heels with tears pouring out of her eyes like a faucet and Ben - who had come running as soon as he heard his sister shouting Klaus’ name - close behind.

Klaus and Ben were thick as thieves, practically glued to each other’s sides to the point of even their dad getting sick of them refusing to part. On nights in which The Horror refused to rest and Ben was kept awake with feelings of his skin and organs shifting, Klaus going against direct orders from their father and sneaking into his room anyways was a guarantee.

Diego once asked him, in their free time, why he was able to go in without being torn to shreds. Klaus just gave him a smug grin.

“They like me,” He stated “I’m able to calm them down pretty quickly.”

Ben had sulked, staring at the pages of his book but eyes not moving “They like you more than they like me,” He muttered “And I’m literally their host.”

Klaus had just snickered, leaning into the shorter boy and making a show of cooing at and petting his stomach like a dog through Ben’s swatting hands. It ended with the two scuffling on the floor, Klaus whining dramatically when a lucky swipe knocked him onto his back.

* * *

Klaus realises smoking weed makes the ghosts go away. Five disappears. When his dad comes to him and tells him to talk to him, he laughs because he couldn’t summon him even if he tried. 

His visits to the mausoleum increase. Weed stops working as well as it used to and he discovers all drugs make the ghosts go away. He learns to swallow pills dry like they’re nothing, they taste gross but they feel good and the silence is the best feeling in the world.

He miscalculates how much time he has left with his current stash. Sweating and feeling like his skin is going to crawl off his body, he tries to reach out to Five. When he gets nothing he tries again.

Again.

Again.

He laughs and laughs and laughs until the laughing turns to retching up everything left in his body. He drinks water from the tap in the bathroom and passes out to the sound of the dead’s screams. It feels good knowing none of the screams are his brother’s.

* * *

One day, after dinner, their father announces he will be giving them the privilege of an allowance. Every Friday, they will be given ten dollars, which they can do with as they wish. Ben whispers to him that he thinks Pogo brought it up to him. Something about “responsibility”. 

Klaus puts his money towards whatever drug he can get his hands on, as would be expected. Ben, when not saving up “for a rainy day”, will splurge on books, his shelf getting more full as time passes. Diego likes to save up for sharp blades with intricate designs and expensive-looking handles. Luther’s room‘s walls bare new posters, large prints of the moon and space. New music drifts from Vanya’s room as she acquires new pieces. 

Everyone knows Allison rumoured their father into giving her more money than them. Klaus wants to be mad but everytime he comes into his room to a pretty piece of clothing or cosmetics on his bed, any anger dissipates. 

* * *

Ben dies and Klaus doesn’t realise until hours later when he goes to shove at his brother only to be overwhelmed by the feeling of ice in his blood as his hands go right through him. Dark eyes look at him with a look so broken that at any other time it would have brought Klaus to his knees but Klaus hardly registers it because his brother’s dead he’s _dead and he may be standing in front of him but he’s_ **_dead he’s a ghost he’s going to start screaming and crying and reaching for him and Klaus won’t ever be able to make him stop—_ **

Ben does not scream but when he reaches a shaking hand out only for Klaus to flinch back instinctively, the sobs pour out of him like he is falling to pieces. 

They cry together until Klaus’ body gives out and he’s asleep for the night, Ben continues to cry long after the sun comes up. Klaus sleeps through it only to wake up to Mom’s gentle shaking and sweet words promising breakfast. He sees she is standing inside of his brother’s intangible form and starts crying all over again. 

* * *

Nothing he does makes Ben go away, makes him stop trying to talk to him. He’s pumped himself full of morphine he found in the infirmary to the point that he’s not even sure if the Ben he’s seeing even _is_ a ghost, rather than a hallucination. The blanket of calm the drug provides stops him from caring. He’s completely fine with just laying there and letting his brother’s pleas to talk to him wash over him.

Allison’s voice almost makes him twitch. 

“Klaus,” Her tone is soft, it fits in well with the haze. “You haven’t left your room for days, we’re all worried for you, you know.” A huff of laughter, “Well, I'll admit Luther isn’t very good at showing it. Diego says he’s too preoccupied kissing up to Dad but,” A beat of silence passes over but for Klaus it feels like a minute “I know he’s worried for you, he told me. He- He doesn’t want to lose another little brother.”

“I can’t imagine how much it must hurt you, losing Ben,” The wobble to her voice makes him think she may have some idea “But if it hurts as much as it hurts me to think of losing you then I guess it makes sense why you haven’t left your bed.” The laugh that follows is wet, it’s only there to try and soften what she said.

Silence rings for another series of stretched-out seconds “If I could trade my life for his, I would do it in a heartbeat.” If Klaus could feel anything other than the lull of the drug and distant feeling of heartache he thinks he’d cry. “I just want you to be okay, Klaus.”

She leaves with a sigh and a sniffle when Klaus remains silent and unmoving. In the corner of the room, Ben breaks down once more.

* * *

Ben thought him being there for his brother, even in the afterlife, would be a good thing. He had thought, as he attached his soul to his, that it would help them both. 

Klaus is destroyed.

And, okay, Ben most definitely _shouldn’t_ have pretended he wasn’t dead for as long as he did but he was too swept up in the feeling of normality that Klaus treating him as he always did brought him to say anything. Maybe _he_ wanted to pretend he was alive, too.

Now, Ben doesn’t regret anything more than not saying anything.

Every attempt to get his brother to talk to him fails before it even starts, his brother not even reacting to him, no matter what he says. At times it makes him worry that perhaps his brother can’t even hear him, that the drugs are affecting him just like the other dead but sometimes Klaus will give the smallest of twitches when he pleads with him enough and Ben realises he’s simply so drugged up that he probably isn’t even capable of reacting much. 

_“I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did,”_ Ben whispers, his words meeting silence. It was something he had become accustomed to during the past days but he couldn’t stop the heavy feeling each time. _“I didn’t want to admit it myself. I knew how scared you were of ghosts, but I let you realise in probably the worst way possible and_ **_I’m sorry, Klaus._ ** _”_

He rests his forehead against the edge of the mattress, hands clutching at the side. _“Please, Klaus. Just- talk to me. I-”_ His voice breaks. _“I don’t want to lose everything all over again. I don’t want to be lonely like all the other ghosts.”_ He’s aware he sounds younger than he is, like the little boy that ducked his head down instead of meeting their father’s eyes rather than the 16 year old he has become. _“I’m scared. I just want my big brother.”_ His voice is quiet and he shuts his mouth before his voice can break again. 

He looks up at the sound of shifting blankets. Klaus is looking at him, eyes half-lidded and as sad as ever but Ben can’t bring himself to care because Klaus is _looking at him_. They hold each other’s gaze for several moments before Klaus slowly moves a hand to where his own is resting on the bed.

His hand goes through his own to rest on the bed below, and the cold sends a shudder through both of them, but Klaus doesn’t pull away and Ben feels like he may start crying all over again.

* * *

Their conversation is halted and tentative as well as one-sided. Klaus is still unbelievably high and speaking seems almost impossible so Ben does all the talking for the night. They’re lucky they were always so close, Ben can decipher Klaus’ emotions from his eyes as though he were actually speaking.

It’s hard for Klaus to shake the feeling of dread he has come to associate with the dead whenever he’s reminded his brother is now one of them, having to catch himself from reaching out to touch lest he be met with a wave of cold. He fears that Ben will suddenly lose himself, will act just as the others. He doesn’t think he could ever survive if his brother joined the masses of screaming spirits that torment him.

But Ben doesn’t. He has stayed the same and Klaus struggles to understand _how_. He doesn’t go away with the drugs, he doesn’t scream and cry and try to grab him, he doesn’t reflect how he died.

 _“The Horror,”_ Ben tells him. _“It tore me up from the inside out, got too excited, too bloodthirsty. I had told Dad that something was off, that it wouldn’t be safe for me to go on the mission.”_ He stops to laugh mirthlessly _“Of course he sent me anyway.”_

Klaus is so doped up that he doesn’t feel the full extent of his anger when he says it. In the morning, when he is coming down from the intensity of the high - he had injected so much morphine into his system he still felt the lasting effects - , the memory of their talk resurfaces and the anger rears its ugly head so violently that he feels he may burn up from it. 

_It was their father’s fault._

Klaus gets out of his bed for the first time in 4 days. 

* * *

The others are sparring under Reginald’s watchful eye when Klaus slams the doors open. 

His eyes are wild and angry as he storms in, gaze locked on their father and it’s enough to get all of his siblings to stop what they’re doing. Vanya subtly scoots back from her place at their father’s side as Klaus approaches.

“You fucking bastard!” 

Reginald hardly moves as Klaus comes to a stop in front of him but tension fills the room as his brothers and sisters flinch back at his words. He doesn’t think anyone has ever talked to their father in such a way. Maybe Five had, but he was gone so it doesn’t really count, he thinks. Klaus meets his father’s eye and glares as though doing so would set him alight. 

“Number Four,” His father starts, looking down at him in that condescending, superior way he looks at all of them and Klaus almost explodes right there. “What is the meaning of this? A ‘bad trip’, I’m assuming?”

Klaus doesn’t allow the jabs to even graze him “You knew Ben wasn’t in good shape to go out on that mission! You _knew_ something bad was gonna happen, that The Horror wasn’t gonna comply, you knew he was gonna _die_ on that mission and you still let him go!” 

“That’s enough, Number Four. What have you in your system this time, for you to be spilling such nonsense?” His siblings were looking between him and Reginald in horror. They probably aren’t even taking in what Klaus is accusing Reginald of, all they can see is that Klaus is yelling and swearing at the man they’ve been taught to ~~fear~~ respect. Klaus barely notices, nostrils flaring as his father deflects again and again. All he could think about was how his brother was dead because of the neglect of the man in front of him, the man who was supposed to take care of them but instead sent one of them to their death.

“YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU SENT HIM OUT TO-”

He’s cut off by a searing hot pain in his cheek as his head whips to the side and he stumbles. Allison gives out a scream as it happens, Ben lunges forwards but can’t do anything. 

It takes a few seconds for him to realise what just happened. His face burns and he reaches a hand up dumbly to see that, yes, it is really that warm. He blinks rapidly because tears are welling up and he’s not sure if they’re a reaction to the pain or the humiliation of being struck in front of everyone. He raises his head slowly to look at his father, who shakes out his hand before returning it to his walking stick. 

Reginald raises an eyebrow, as though he hadn’t just backhanded a sixteen year old boy, and simply says “Go to your room, Number Four. ‘Lest we have to find a different way to deal with your insubordination.”

He goes to his room.

* * *

Ben’s eyes are wide when they enter, Klaus being sure to slam the door with as much force possible - which honestly isn’t that much, he’d always been one of the physically weaker members of the family. His face throbs and he works his throat to swallow down the sobs he knows are trying to work their way up and out of him. Flicking his tongue out over his bottom lip, it tastes like pennies and he really wishes their dad had decided literally _any day_ other than today to wear his expensive, heavy rings. He reaches his hand up to trace his cheek, eyes staring at nothing as he gently runs his middle and pointer finger over the slight swelling, his fingers drag over a cut he didn’t know was on his cheekbone but he barely registers it. It’s Ben’s gentle voice that breaks him from the trance he fell in. 

_“C’mon,”_ He says, hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket as he gestures with a nod of his head to his bedside table. _“There’s antiseptic wipes there. Clean the cut on your cheek, yeah?”_ Klaus nods numbly and does as he’s told. Sitting down on his bed, Ben does the same and looks at him with sad eyes that he doesn’t notice, too busy rubbing the wipe on the cut and spacing out again. He only lowers the wipe from his face when he feels a full body shudder come over him, Ben having ran his own hand through his to break him from his daze. He’s rubbing his cheek raw. 

Klaus, while aware he could be absolutely insufferable, had never had anyone raise a hand to him before. Figures his own father would be the first to do it.

He voices such a thought aloud to Ben, who’s eyes darken in a way he’s never seen before. His voice is low and steely when he speaks. _“And he’ll be the last.”_ It sounds like a promise but Klaus wonders how his brother hopes to keep it when he can’t even touch him.

* * *

He tries his best to be quiet, taking as much time as he can opening his closet doors and drawers to make as little noise as possible. He doesn’t bother taking any of his ‘eccentric’ wear. He needs the warmth that the duller parts of his closet - reserved exclusively for the few lazy days he and the others got - can provide in the cold weather, Ben makes sure to remind him from his position by the door.

The black sweater that would be much too loose on his frame must be stolen from Diego, Klaus idly thinks to himself. His lip stings as he rubs his thumb against the material, mind drifting. The rough fabric on the outside is deceptive, he muses, the inside of the sweater makes it quite possibly the softest piece of clothing Klaus has in his possession. 

His musing is broken at the sound of Ben’s urgent hissing. His brother is leaning out of the doorway but turns back to him with a panicked expression. _“Klaus-!”_ He doesn’t get to properly warn him in time and Klaus is frozen in place, Diego’s stolen sweater in his hands, when Allison appears in the doorway. The silence that falls feels like a suffocating blanket but Klaus can’t bring himself to even move, as though he were a deer in headlights, as she surveys the room.

It’s a mess, he’s aware. The clothes he can’t bring with him cover the floor in piles, some still hanging out of his drawers that he couldn’t be bothered closing after himself. After all, he won’t be here by the time dawn breaks. 

The silence carries on as Allison’s eyes stop their inspection of his room and instead meet his own. Her stare feels heavy and he can’t read her, for the first time in his life. That could be the codeine he popped earlier, though. Ben is fidgeting nervously, still having not moved from his designated lookout spot; not that he’s done a very good job of it so far, Klaus thinks almost bitterly, still having not moved a muscle since his big sister entered the room. 

“Stay here,” Allison finally breaks the silence “Just- I’ll be back in a second, okay? Just don’t move yet.” And with that she’s heading off down the hallway again, Ben leaning out the doorway once more to watch her. He gives him a shrug when Klaus looks at him expectantly.

 _“She went in the direction of her room, so she hasn’t gone to snitch, I think.”_ That’s good enough for Klaus to untense, at least a little bit. 

When she doesn’t come back immediately, Klaus busies himself with putting Diego’s sweater into his bag and zipping it up. 

She returns to him shouldering his backpack and visibly swallows. She stares at the strap now on his shoulder for a few moments before she shakes herself out of her trance.

Her voice cracks as she speaks, looking anywhere but his face “Hold out your hand.” Klaus does so, if only to appease her as it seems like she may cry at any moment and he knows if she does then he most definitely will. Her hand trembles as she places a wad of money in his open palm, her other hand coming up to hold his wrist when he tries to pull back at seeing what it is she’s giving him. Her hand is still trembling as she uses it to close his fingers around the cash. 

“Alli,” Klaus whispers out, he doesn’t think he could make his voice louder if he tried. She finally meets his gaze and her eyes are filled with unshed tears. Her mouth is twitching in the effort to keep her face from scrunching up, to stop herself from breaking down. 

“Promise me you won’t spend it on drugs,” She says and there’s a desperation there Klaus has never heard from her before, he doesn’t think Allison has ever pleaded with him - _with anybody_ \- before. “You’ll use it to help you, to keep yourself safe and alive, _please_ Klaus-”

“I will,” Klaus cuts her off, his own eyes now mirroring hers as his vision blurs. His chest feels heavy in a way he doesn’t recognise and he pulls her into an embrace that he’s sure is painful but it doesn’t matter because she’s clutching him just as tightly. “I promise, Alli, I won’t use it for drugs, I _promise._ ” His tears soak into her hair and when they let go of each other, he can feel the wetness left on his shoulder drying already.

Allison takes a deep breath, it’s shaky and seems to get stuck for a moment but it appears to be what she needed to get herself calmed down. “Okay.” She breathes out, it’s not directed to Klaus, instead as if she’s reassuring herself that allowing him to leave is the right thing. He believes it is but he’s not sure she’s a hundred percent sure.

He can’t expect her to be.

“Fuck,” She breaks out of her fake acceptance with a choked out sob that sounds like it’s been punched out of her gut. “I’m gonna miss you so much-” Her voice cracks on every other word, wet and thick with heartbreak, and Klaus drags her in for another hug without even thinking.

“I’m gonna miss you, too,” He mumbles into her hair, face screwed up as his brain races with the amount of conflicting emotions running through it. 

He doesn’t want to leave her but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to live in this house anymore knowing the person who killed his brother is sleeping under the same roof. He doesn’t want to be present to see the next one of them go, doesn’t want to see which one it’ll end up being. When they pull apart again, something in her eyes tells him that she knows. She doesn’t like it, she wishes he would stay because at least then she could keep some semblance of an eye on him, but she knows. He feels like she also knows that if she asked him to stay, he would.

He's glad she doesn't.

She kisses him on the cheek and with a whispered “Good luck.” and is gone. He only starts to move after he hears the quiet click of her door closing behind her. He doesn’t want to think of her crying on the other side of and he thinks Ben doesn’t either because he’s gesturing for him to move. He looks around his room one more time to see if he’d forgotten anything, slips the cash Allison had given him into his backpack and exits the room.

As they sneak down the hall, he sees the bathroom is empty. He pulls his phone from his back pocket and looks at Ben with a raised brow, whose eyes glance between the flip phone and him before giving him a stiff nod. He’s careful with his footsteps as he walks on the tiles, knowing from experience just how much louder his shoes are if he isn’t. They come to a stop in front of the toilet and, with a glance to his brother, he snaps his phone into two pieces and drops them into the water - just in case. He doesn’t want there to be any chance of their asshole dad being capable of tracking them down.

Now, with nothing but the clothes on his body and in his backpack, absolutely no way of them being traced, and his and Ben’s combined funds along with Allison’s parting gift, Klaus hurries down the stairs as silently as possible and escapes through the backdoor into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! I have no idea how I've done with writing these characters so lemme know if you liked or not! ^-^
> 
> Also, just to let everyone know: Klaus had no idea Ben died because Reginald deemed he was ‘too high to be of any use on the mission’. But uhhh, I’ll let you figure out why he really left Klaus at home for that mission.
> 
> And I know Vanya leaves before Klaus does but I remembered that too late into writing and can’t be bothered to fix it lol just ignore that or justify however you want.


	2. "Important"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty, this is where the dark aspects i was talking about come in. specific tws in the end note.
> 
> also uh, i now have no idea how many chapters this will have because this story has RAN AWAY from me at full speed and i am filled to the brim with ideas lol

Perhaps they should have planned what they were going to do because Klaus stops running, panting outside the mouth of an alley and far enough away from The Academy that he feels comfortable falling to the floor, and has no idea what to do.

It’s quite jarring, really. The realisation is sudden and he sits down shakily on the ground. It’s cold enough to seep through his pants but it’s welcomed, helps ground him and calm the stuttering of his lungs and heart.

 _“Shit.”_ He hears Ben say and he laughs into the palm of his hand because if he doesn’t he might start to cry. _“Um, there’s a motel nearby, right? The one we’d see sometimes while on the way to a mission or interview. Let’s book a room there for a bit and we can figure out what to do when we’re not out in the cold.”_

Klaus nods, pushing himself up to his feet after another few moments of rest. “Yeah, good idea.” 

The motel room doesn’t cost much and when they enter it’s obvious why. It isn’t the most ideal place one would like to spend their night, in any circumstance, but they had to take what they could get. Klaus sits down on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and looking towards Ben, who is leaning against the wall beside the door. He knows he must look like shit and, for once, is envious of his brother, who can’t grow tired like he can.

“The fuck do we do, now?” He breaks the silence, running a hand down his face. He feels older than he is, in this moment and a glance towards Ben shows him he must look it, too. “God,” He rests his head in his hands, laughing at himself, at them, in the situation they’re now in. “We really should have had a plan other than ‘Get the fuck outta dodge’, huh?” 

Ben snorts and it’s enough to lighten the stress beginning to weigh on his chest, for now. _“Yeah, you’re probably right on that one.”_ His brother crosses the room to sit down next to him, the mattress not reacting to him. _“Most people like, look for jobs or whatever, right? That’s what happened in most of my books, anyway.”_ He trails off into a mumble and Klaus can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him.

“This isn’t a book, Benny-boy, hate to break it to ya.” His brother just stares at him until he gives in with an eye roll “God, fine! I’ll go looking as soon as I wake up, alright? Point those puppy eyes somewhere else, Mister, I’m trying to sleep.” He emphasises his final sentence by kicking his shoes off before flopping backwards onto the bed and squirming around until his leg flings through his brother and the cold makes him yelp.

Ben is watching him with a raised eyebrow but he can see the amusement lying underneath and so he grins cheekily at him until the other boy sighs and gets up from the bed. _“Alright, whatever. Go to sleep then, God knows you need it.”_

Klaus barely manages to get out an indignant “Hey!” before he’s passed out, clothes still on and on top of the covers.

* * *

He gets a job at a bookstore (Ben’s suggestion) but gets fired when he shows up to work high on something that obviously isn’t weed.

His job at a café ends when he gets caught stealing from the register and tip jar on two separate occasions.

Word spreads eventually, nobody hires him anymore. Ben is disappointed. Klaus tries not to let it show how much it bothers him. Their money supply starts to dwindle without a source of income so Klaus takes to sleeping in alleys rather than waste it on a motel. He needs the money he’s got for drugs and he uses Allison’s money for food.

Eight months after running away, a man he meets at a club that he sweet-talked his way into brings him to a motel. Ben leaves the room in disgust when he gets on his knees for him. The man leaves him with the room for the night because he has to get home to his wife. Klaus sleeps as though he hasn’t just given a blowjob to a married, middle-aged man while high on ecstasy.

When he’s about to leave the next morning he sees a set of crumpled notes on the dresser and realises he might have found something he’s actually good at.

Ben doesn’t say anything the next night when a woman invites him to her apartment with a grin that cannot be anything other than predatory. He looks at him with sad eyes as he follows her to her bedroom and stays where he is at the door until early morning. When Klaus leaves the room in the early morning, stuffing a wad of cash into the waistband of his jeans, he is silent still.

* * *

Klaus breaks his promise when the ghosts come back louder than they ever have before.

It had been a tough week, nowhere near enough clients. He had allowed Ben to talk him into using the last of the money he earned on breakfast that morning. Withdrawal hits hard when you’ve been continuously high for a year.

He’s not sure if it’s just because it’s been so long since he’s seen any ghost other than Ben, but it feels worse this time around. Maybe it’s the strength behind the cramps, or how hot his body feels. Maybe there really are more ghosts than usual. Either way, he knows they’re most definitely louder and angrier than he’s seen in a long time - since the mausoleum. 

They yell and scream his name and even Ben looks shaken by their intensity as they get up close to him and screech in his face. Klaus can only groan, sweat slick curls drooping against his forehead, eyes clenching shut not just to block out the ghosts but also any and all light. His head is pounding as if his heart and brain had switched places, it’s uncomfortable and it _hurts._ He just wants it to _stop_ but he can’t make it _fucking_ **_stop_ **\- 

Unless…

The pained groans stop spilling out of his mouth abruptly as the thought enters his mind. Ben, who has been trying his best to motivate him and encourage him to stick out, to ignore the screaming, the aches and pains, stops with him and looks at him questioningly. The glance Klaus takes towards his bag tells him everything he needs to know and he’s talking again, fast and desperate but Klaus can hardly hear him over the ghosts, anyway.

Slowly, he reaches a shaking, sweat-slicked hand into the front pocket of his backpack.

The few remaining notes of cash Allison had given him crinkle as he grabs them.

Ben watches with sad eyes as he trades the notes with a man whose face is obscured by his hood for a bag of white powder. He blows the man a kiss as he backs up, bag held to his chest before he turns completely and practically skips away, despite the pain of withdrawal still coursing through him.

He’s glad he stole a spoon from the diner yesterday, he knew it would be useful. Watching as the ghosts around him start to phase out of existence one after the other almost feels better than the high. Almost. It feels so good but he knows it’s going to end before he even gets to properly relish it, the surge of bliss and pleasure dying down to a calmer feeling of security before he’s ready for it to do so. He’s reaching for the bag again before he even knows what he’s doing and is heating up the spoon with trembling hands.

 _“Klaus, no! You’ve already had too much as it is!”_

“I’s okay, Benny,” He slurs, a tongue darting out to wet dried lips. “I jus’... Needa go ‘bit deeper.” He’s filling up the needle, eyes following the brown like he’s starving for it - which, he guesses, he is. “Look,” He waves the bag at the other boy when he finishes refilling the needle “I di’n even use i’ all, okay? I’s okay.” He presses the needle in and hardly twitches at the sting, pushing down and watching the liquid inside become less and less to a chorus of Ben’s pleading. 

_“What are you doing here so early? Come on, out. Now. Come back when it’s_ **_actually_ ** _your time.”_

He jerks upright hours later and the euphoric feeling of air filling his lungs almost drowns out the terror and confusion in Ben’s voice. 

His brother is yelling but he hardly hears him as he adjusts his position and removes the needle. He hadn’t had the time to remove it before he passed out. It hurts and he knows it’ll bruise but he doesn’t care. He spits out white foam before looking up at Ben, whose gaze is frantic and wild and _angry_ but Klaus can only grin at him, dazed still from the drugs he had pumped into himself. He must have been out for a while, he missed the start of the high, damn. 

“Care to repeat that, Benny?” 

His brother doesn’t seem to be in the right state of mind to even be irritated by his demeanour. Something must have really spooked him, which says something considering the whole ‘not being able to interact with the physical plane’ thing he's got going on. 

_“Klaus- You- You weren’t_ **_breathing-_ **_You were out for_ **_ten minutes_ ** _without_ **_breathing_ ** _. You were foaming at the fucking mouth, man! I think you- I think you_ **_died_ ** _.”_ Even with how sleepy he felt, Klaus found himself laughing. 

“That’s ridiculous, Ben! How would I be here if I was dead, huh? Last I checked-“

 _“Klaus?”_ The sound of Ben’s voice makes his head jerk up, when was his head lowered?

_“You nodded off.”_

“Oh. Well, last I checked, when you die, you tend to be, like, not alive.” He giggles “I’ve got a pulse, if you wanna know.” He’s fully aware that his grin is a shit-eating one as he presses a hand clumsily to the side of his neck. He wouldn’t be able to find his pulse if he tried, in this state. 

Ben sighs, looking very tired for someone who doesn’t need to sleep. _“Just- sleep this off, okay? I know you’re tired, get some rest, Klaus.”_

Klaus hummed and was out before he could completely process his words.

* * *

It takes approximately two days for him to start emptying out the remaining powder into a spoon once more. Ben is not happy in the slightest and makes sure to tell him, loudly.

 _“For fuck’s sake, Klaus, you’re letting your entire life go down the drain and for what? Because you’re scared?”_ Klaus snorts as he holds the spoon in one hand, lighter in the other, eyes not leaving the contents inside as the powder melts into a dark, brown liquid. It reminds him of grease that has been reused a few too many times. He places the spoon on the ground, as careful as he can with the tremors running through his hands and takes the needle from his pocket. He takes off the safety cap and starts to fill the needle with rapt attention he only ever uses for drugs, these days.

“Me? _Scared_ ? Of _ghosts_?” He gasps out dramatically, eyes wide and tone antagonising before becoming dry. “Congratulations, Ben-erooni, you’re literally the last one to know.”

_“Maybe if you weren’t constantly running from your problems by pumping yourself full of chemicals then you’d be able to actually control them and not have to be afraid anymore.”_

Klaus hardly looks at him “Maybe,” He hums, “But this is just, _sooo_ much easier you know? Feels _way_ better, too.” 

_“Y’know what? Maybe Dad was right about one thing.”_

“Oh yeah?” He asks, distracted by the task of tightening his belt around his arm. “What’s that?”

_“That you’re a fucking disappointment.”_

Klaus laughs, abrupt and sharp. The words sting, no matter how long it has been since they have left The Academy behind. The term ‘disappointment’ has always been a touchy one, so often used by his father that the subconscious connection between the two is woven deep into him. He remembers the first time a client had called him it during a session. He still has to suppress a shudder at how, for a split second, he had expected to look up from his place on his knees to see his father there. He’s learned to block out the words and names he’s called. Any thought of his father during anything _remotely_ sex related is probably the worst thing in the world, even worse than the ghosts.

“Wow, Ben,” He sneers, because despite knowing it’s all a ruse to get him worked up and forget about the drug he also knows that Ben, at this moment, _believes_ what he’s saying and Klaus, honestly, agrees with him but his pride needs him to have the last word. “Still haven’t changed from the scared lil thing you were before, huh? Nodding and agreeing with whatever good ol’ Pops had to say.” His eyes have lifted from watching as he positions the needle above the most prominent vein in the crook of his elbow, staring at Ben whose lips have become pursed and eyes hard. “I would’ve thought you’d want nothing to do with him considering he literally caused your death, but hey, guess you’re still the little attack dog you always were.”

 _“Klaus.”_ Ben’s voice is tight and Klaus, if he were in the right frame of mind, would be horrified by what he’s saying. The vast majority of him is _aware_ he’s being disgustingly cruel but his mouth keeps moving because the smaller part of his mind, fuelled by the need for the drug that is _so close he just needs to stab it in_ and seeing Ben as an obstacle in his way of getting it, is stronger than the part that loves his brother.

“Loyal, even in death,” He muses to himself before pushing the needle into his arm blindly and pressing down on the stopper. “It’s too bad your little, wriggly friends weren’t the same, huh?” 

_“Fuck you, Klaus.”_ His brother’s face is twisted up in anger that he’s never seen on him before, or maybe it’s hurt, betrayal, heartbreak, one of those sad emotions. At this moment, though, the heroin is kicking in and he can’t find it in himself to be bothered enough to decipher how his brother’s feeling. _“I don’t need to fucking be here with you, I_ ** _choose_** _to be here because I fucking_ ** _care_** _about you but you’re such a fucking asshole sometimes, you know that?”_ All he gets in return is a dismissive wave.

“Oh whatever, Benny.” He says, smile pulling at his face as the euphoria hits. It’s been so long since he’s felt the first wave. He’d passed out last time before he could feel it, he remembers, and it feels _so good_. “God, you’re so angsty all the time, turning into a ghost made you a real bummer.”

Ben stares at him with a look so intense that if Klaus weren’t currently in the middle of a high he’d probably be unsettled. Alas, he hardly even notices as the rush hits him head-on and his eyes practically roll back into his head. It seems as if it’s gone as quickly as it came, dulling into a pleasant blanket of warmth, and he looks on as Ben rolls his eyes and turns around to walk out of the alley. He licks his lips before calling out for him.

“Where’re you goin’?” His brother looks over his shoulder, eyes hard.

 _“I’m not watching you like this, asshole. I’ll come back when that shit is out of your system and you’re less of a dick.”_ And with that, he disappears outside of the alley. Klaus snorts as he lets his head loll back to rest against the brick wall.

“Whatever,” He mutters to himself, suddenly overwhelmed by an urge of drowsiness and lets his eyes slide shut.

He wakes up, still lethargic, to the feeling of another person’s touch.

Klaus doesn’t like it, the feeling of the hands on him makes his skin crawl but his body is moving so slow, limbs heavy and bones feeling like they’ve been replaced with lead pipes and any attempt at removing the hands grabbing him are easily thwarted by the stranger who’s just so much _bigger_ than him. He’s big enough to grab his wrists with a single hand and render them useless, big enough to push him back down when he tries to get up and away by simply using his free hand to push down on a bony shoulder. The man is saying things to him while everything is happening but they are unable to penetrate the haze that has settled on Klaus long before this man entered the alley.

Klaus doesn’t think he would like what he’s saying, anyways.

The man crouches down in front of him and his face level with him until it isn’t and Klaus is sprawled on his back on the cold alleyway ground. His legs are being spread and someone is slotting in between them and he’s kicking on instinct, a burst of adrenaline brought on by a surge of clarity. All it does is earn him a series of fists slamming into whatever part of his body they can reach; his hips, his ribs, his thighs, stomach. Klaus truly realises the man’s strength when his fist slams against his forearm after he raises it and it feels like it almost snaps in half. He lets out a guttural scream, the high unable to dull what feels like acid bubbling and needles piercing. The man’s hands are big enough for a single one to fully encompass his throat when he grabs it and starts to squeeze and push down. 

It feels and sounds like he’s underwater but he can make out the sound of ripping and the cold air on his chest, his legs. He weakly claws at the hand on his throat with his working arm, the other uselessly laying beside him however it fell. He can’t turn his head to see the damage, can hardly even feel it now. The feeble scratching turns into nails digging into skin and raking, scooping, shredding, as his lower-half feels suddenly as if it’s on fire. A strangled wheeze is all but punched out of him as his body tenses and seizes but the man on top of him is unrelenting and keeps going until harsh stinging joins the burning and something helps smoothen out his movements. Klaus wants to vomit but with the pressure on his neck is so great he doesn’t think he’d be able to.The man removes his other hand from where it had been holding his hipbone so tightly he thinks, dazedly, that it might be cracked and brings it up to join his other.

The pressure from the hands blends in with the burning hot pain ripping through him with every movement and it hurts _it hurts_ **_it hurts._ ** Any attempts to scream make the man tighten his grip more and more _and more_ until-

A loud crunch fills the air and all goes silent aside from the sounds leaving the man as Klaus goes still and limp. His body cools before he even finishes.

* * *

Klaus wakes up and everything is a muted grey aside from the clothes he’s wearing, no matter how torn they may be. He pushes himself up from the grass to survey his surroundings and is surprised there’s no pain in his bones. He’s surprised he can _move_ considering he was pretty sure that crunching sound he heard before everything went dark was his neck despite it feeling perfectly fine now.

_“You’re welcome, for that.”_

He whips around, eyes falling upon a young girl with dark skin and darker hair. She’s wearing an old-timey dress that goes just above her ankles and in her hands is a parasol. Klaus isn’t sure whether there is any sun for it to protect her from in the first place. Probably an aesthetic choice, he can respect that. He can’t tell the colours of her outfit, unlike him, her clothes are colourless like everything else around them. She stands ramrod straight in front of him, peering up at him from underneath the parasol, eyes scrutinising and face screwed up in disgust although for some reason he doesn’t think it’s directed at him.

 _“Ugh, free will was a mistake,”_ She remarks after a few moments of staring him down so heavily Klaus felt his skin was being stripped to the bone. He feels if he were to see himself, his skin would be red as though he had spent hours scrubbing it with hot water. Something about the black eyes showed a wisdom and general sense of _knowing_ that Klaus doesn’t think any young child should hold. _“Humans are so disgusting,”_ She scrunches her nose, _“Doesn’t help that I had to actually clean up the damage left by their misdeeds this time. I didn’t bother with the more… superficial wounds,”_ She casts a glance to his torso and a glance of his own shows him bruises littering his hips, arms and sides in a display that makes him want to get sick. He doesn’t. _“Would take too much time and you need to get up before someone else comes along and wants to make a display of their free will by robbing you of yours.”_

“Wait, wait, wait,” He cuts in, voice sounding distant and slow, his tongue and brain lagging from the weight of everything happening. “What- what’s even happening? Where am I? Am I-” He swallows “Dead?”

The girl gives a snort and looks at him as though he’s the dumbest being in existence which- She may have a point on that. An eyebrow quirks upwards, unimpressed - and Klaus has never felt more judged in his life than by this preteen - _“We both know you’re already aware of where you are, you just don’t want to admit it. You’ve been here before, you know. Although you were so high I don’t think you remembered a thing.”_ The final sentence is punctuated by an eyeroll that reminds Klaus of Five just enough to make his stomach twist. He blinks as her reply sinks in and realisation dawns on him.

“Wait- I- So Ben was-”

 _“Right?”_ She cuts him off from his stuttering and if she hadn’t that parasol in her grip she’d likely be crossing her arms. _“Yes, your spirit friend was correct.”_

“But- I can’t just _come back to life_ ! Doesn’t that, like, go against all laws of, well, _everything_?”

She looks at him pensively for a few moments _“Yes,”_ She admits, albeit with reluctance in her voice _“I honestly shouldn’t have brought you back once, much less twice, but the situation is dire enough to warrant the rule-breaking.”_ Her expression turns steely and Klaus almost shivers at the weight of her gaze _“You’re important, Klaus. You won’t understand until much, much later but know that you are.”_

Klaus bats his eyelashes, holding his hands up under his chin. He’s decided the conversation is turning much too serious for him. “You think I’m important?” He coos, giving her a grin. “How important, exactly? You know I live for other peoples’ approval!” The girl does nothing but stare at him stone-faced, completely unaffected by his antics. He wants to whine about her being a buzzkill but he doesn’t want to push it _too_ much, he has _some_ self-preservation left, even if it is pathetically little.

 _“Important enough to risk existence itself collapsing in on itself every time I bring you back.”_ That shuts him up. _“And I will bring you back. Every. Single. Time. I didn’t spend so much time on you for nothing.”_

Klaus blinks, unable to properly find words to convey his thoughts. It seems he doesn’t have to try, as he feels a tug in his chest. Glancing down, he sees nothing out of the ordinary but when he looks back towards the girl with a frown, he sees she’s looking around with pursed lips.

 _“That would be your brother, I assume.”_ She says, turning back to look at him. _“You’ve been here too long, anyway. Could’ve fixed everything else in the time I was talking.”_ She mutters, irritation seeping into her tone. She looks to him, eyes grim and stern. _“Try not to die again.”_ Her tone implies he should be mentally replacing the ‘Try not to’ with a solid ‘Don’t.’ so he does just that and gives her a nod.

“Yes ma’am.” He says, in as serious of a voice that he can speak in. She seems satisfied enough with it and the tugging in Klaus’ chest returns, stronger now.

He blinks and is back in the cold of the alley. The first things he feels are the throbbing in his lower half and the uncomfortable tug of something he doesn’t want to think about drying on his skin.

* * *

When Ben returns, it’s to thighs covered in red and white, pale and shaking skin mottled in dark colours blooming like ugly roses, and bleary eyes. He feels pain for the first time since The Horror tore him to shreds and this pain, he thinks, may be enough to rival the feeling of being ripped apart from the inside out. It catches him so off guard that he drops to his knees.

Klaus licks dry lips and croaks out “I think you were right, Benny.” A shaking hand comes up to delicately caress his throat, dark bruises forming a ring and Ben wants to scream and cry and _kill_ whoever did this he wants to _tear them apart until nothing is left but blood and_ ** _guts and crushed up bones_** because they hurt his brother and Ben _promised_ that wouldn’t happen again but it _did_ and he wasn’t even _there_.

“I died that time with the heroin, you were right.” The randomness of the sentence makes him falter, looking at his brother and he knows the confusion is evident in his face because Klaus just gives him a weak, sad grin.

 _“I-_ **_What_ ** _?”_ It’s all he’s able to get out because Klaus is laying there in a bloody, bruised heap and he doesn’t know why he’s bringing up that moment _now_ , of all times. _“What the fuck are you talking about, Klaus?”_ His language is strong but he moves towards him gently, still on his knees because he can’t find it in him to stand up. 

Klaus looks at him as if _he’s_ the one who needs help, eyebrows knitting together. “Don’t you remember?” He murmurs and, yes, Ben remembers but he fails to see how that matters right _now._ He says as much and Klaus looks up towards the sky.

“‘Cuz it happened again.” 

Once again, Ben wants to scream. This time, he does.

* * *

Klaus tells him what happened as he cleans himself up. He can no longer use another one of his shirts alongside the clothes he had torn off of him, the fabric now smeared with his blood and the evidence of what the stranger had done to him. He wants to burn the clothes to ash but he tosses them into the dumpster instead. He tells him about how he heard a loud crunching sound and was in a new world before he even finished registering what the sound was. He tells him about the little girl and the fact she won’t allow him to pass on because he’s ‘important’.

Ben questions him on what he means by ‘important’ but all Klaus can offer is a helpless, little shrug.

* * *

He returns to living as normal and Ben doesn’t stop him. When hooking up with people, whether it be for money, drugs, a place to stay, or his own enjoyment, he makes a habit of asking to be choked. It feels better knowing he asked them to do it, this time around. He feels hands wrap around his throat every time he fucks and he learns to love it.

Ben never leaves the room when Klaus does these things. He’s always there, always watching with a vigilance so intense he may as well be solid and alive, with how it burns through the person he’s with for the night. It feels weird and gross in the beginning, having his brother in the room while he does the things he does but he’s always prided himself on how quickly he adjusts to things.

He is seventeen when he changes his mind just as he’s slipping the man he’s with for the night’s belt out from his pant loops and he makes him do it anyway. It isn’t like the first time, there are no blows raining down on him, no rough manhandling. The man is soft in his hushing whenever he tries to protest and any attempt at pushing him away is responded to by his arms simply being batted away. But the hold he takes on Klaus’ hips is tight and the movement of his hips pays his own pleasure no mind and suddenly Klaus is frozen like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf. His breath is hitching and tears drip down his temples and into his hair. Ben is shouting and screaming, reaching out to try and grab at the man but after he goes right through him, he is soon sitting on his heels by Klaus’ head. His attempts at reassuring him get garbled by his sobs and Klaus closes his eyes, takes comfort in the shivers that Ben’s hands trying to comb through his hair in the way he always liked send through him, and hopes the man will finish with him soon.

When he does finish, he places the money down on the bedside table as he leaves. Klaus, idly, hopes he left a tip, it’s the least he could do. The door to the motel room the man had booked for him closes and Klaus curls in on himself in the centre of the bed, not caring for the wet that his ankle drags through. He doesn’t like that he was gentle, the feather-light touches he had placed on him before doing what he did makes his skin itch and crawl. He doesn’t realise he’s sobbing, loud and hard enough to shake his entire frame, until Ben’s apologies hit his ears.

 _“I’m so sorry, Klaus, oh God I’m so sorry-”_ He wants to tell him it’s not his fault, but he can’t remember how to speak. All he can think of is how he wants to sink into the floor and never come back, wants to be swallowed by darkness but knows the little girl would never allow it.

They sob together, Klaus’ wordless and Ben’s filled with desperate apologies.

Klaus had wondered, for so long, how Ben could ever keep his promise, could ever _hope_ to help him in situations like these. Now he knows the answer: he couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws: implied somnophilia, violent & non-violent rape/non-con, murder (as a result of said non-con), heavily implied necrophilia, underage prostitution, detailed drug use/abuse, mentions of blood/gore, injury, overdosing, death and klaus is such a dick at one point in this chapter that i'm not sure if i should add a verbal abuse tw
> 
> also ben and klaus have this thing where ben watches as klaus has sex with his clients but it's not incesty i promise you they're just all shades of fucked up from what happens in this chapter
> 
> kudos + comments always appreciated :)


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